Tales from a Fish Pornographer





The life of a fish pornographer can be a very charmed life indeed.   Albeit not a rich man’s life you however still experience a very unique lifestyle.  To be unique in life really is what it is all about isn’t it?  

When I was young never in my wildest dreams did I dream of becoming a fish pornographer.  I had the same goals as many other children, growing up to becoming a fireman, lawyer or even if I was very lucky an accountant!   All I can say is thank God I was a failure!

I came to my current profession innocently enough.  It started at the age of 4 with two goldfish.  My turning point was at the age five; my father’s drinking buddy caught me swimming in his 180 gallon Central American cichlid aquarium and noticed I just may have an aptitude towards fish.  His realization of this and setting me up with my own tropical fish tank full of cichlids I credit to this day for truly saving me from a life of boredom or normalcy.  Just imagine though if this guy was a guppy-line breeder!  I truly do not even want to think of the horrors it could have led me to.

When I was 7 my parents bought me my one and only tank they ever would purchase towards my new found addiction, a 180 gallon tank.  From this day forward if I was to progress in fish it would have to be through my own funds.   Canadian child labor laws dictated that I could not go out to the local factories and begin earning my fish funds the honest way.  Nor did I have any aspirations of getting a paper route or delivering flyers like any other normal kid my age. 

I had to be creative and think out of the box.   I needed my fish fix and to get it I needed fish money, and loads of it.  It was through this need of fish funds that I came to my first profession which has stayed with me the rest of my life… fish pimp.   Pimping fish can be a wide array of activities.  From spawning and growing out vast quantities of fry to peddle to whoever you can find interested. Another pimping method is importing “foreign” exotic specimens for the locals to get excited over that are otherwise unattainable dreams for them.   The latter I achieved after I swiped my mothers credit card to start importing at the age of 12.  (Back in the day all you really needed was a credit card!)

Coming of age in my teens the fish pimping was exciting and rewarding however I still felt there was something more out there for me.  I found myself more interested in photography and the behaviors of my beloved fish.  Confused and lacking direction I did what any normal high school student would do… I consulted the school career councilor about my passion and asked about the options available to me.   Let me tell you, this woman did not help me one bit.  She kept saying with my grades I should head off to study medicine, law or even dentistry!!  How these people get paid I do not know.  

Lacking options I followed this crazy woman’s opinion and entered university.  Here once again after a few years of useless knowledge learned I consulted with a “student advisor” and expressed my passion for the fish.  I was referred this time to the universities lone Ichthyologist (For those of you not keeping score, a person who studies fish!  Progress at last I thought!)  I of course immediately set up a meeting with this fine fellow to explain how I was the perfect candidate for such a career and to find where I could sign up.  To my horror though the individual I met not only was on a never ending sabbatical not accepting new students but had a severe and deep hatred of cichlids (my one true love) and their evolutionary power compared to Canadian fish.  Once again I was shot down.

After completing a degree and finding out that I could not live my life as a lab rat I had another important discovery in my personal evolution… the digital camera.  The first ones out were grainy, horrible to focus and work with but I now had a media to start recording my fish philanders.

The ability to take massive amounts of pictures for no additional cost and record each and every behavior of the fish was a very exciting discovery for me.  Coupled with the Internet the ability to express my art and share with others who may be searching for such content was a very fascinating discovery.  Later on organizations, universities and the like even began to pay for my expenses to travel to them and speak about my addictions!  What a crazy world we live in.

Fish porn is often like the human equivalent.  We pornographers set up the stage, in our case a decorated aquarium.  We add the participants, often meeting for the first time and are brought in from all around the world.  Next the mood is set up, this could be as simple as the correct temperature, a clean comforting quiet environment, a fine feeding of live foods, or if all else fails some nice mood lighting. You are the director in their torrid love affair let your imagination run wild!

The possibilities are truly endless.  If you prefer monogamous devote couples a scene from a Central American cichlid still sends chills up my spine to this day with their bi-parental care and savage courtship rituals.  Maybe you like to witness a true swinger?  Then group activities of Utaka of Lake Malawi and their polygamous ways are hard to beat!   Maybe it is a bit of fetish you prefer?  Then ‘Lamprologus’ calipterus and the male’s love of midget females are for you!  Oral pleasures you seek? Then definitely check out some Ophthalmotilapia ventralis!

Recently I have also begun traveling to exotic tropical locations to picture these beauties in their natural habitat.  The term Brazilian bombshells does not just apply to humans let me tell you! 

Bottom line is fish are fascinating and captivating creatures. Our ability to set up biotopes within our homes and set the “scene” for them interact with one another keeps me coming back time and time again. With the thousands of species available to us now to keep these days you can rest assured I will never bore of the lifestyle.

This section of the website I will be dedicating to my alter ego and my life as a fish pornographer.   I will try to update it as best as I can with tales of my travels to exotic locales, current fish “shoots”, meeting fellow fish nuts and my future exploits!  I hope you enjoy.